I hate…. absolutely hate to say this.
But this past week, I’ve been seeing a lot of “loneliness” posts.
And not in the sense of one’s relationship status but in friendships.
Before I go on, I get it.
I’ve been there.
Not really having anyone to resonate with and feeling like no one has my back.
But it’s also made me realize, people ARE busy.
I’ve been on both spectrums where I desperately needed help but had none.
And on the flip side, I desperately wanted to help others but couldn’t.
And I just wanted to shed a little light on that perspective and hopefully ignite the warrior inside you.
Some seasons in life, I literally don’t have a minute.
It comes with being a single mom.
Its work. Then straight to taking care of my kids.
Between errands, appointments, events, chores, etc.
I’m driving, being present with my kids, doing what I can to take care of myself, improve myself, doing my best in whatever hat that I may be wearing in a particular moment.
That’s on a good day.
There are worse times when I hit a financial snag and it involves busting my butt even more with side gigs like babysitting or driving for lyft.
Which means lack of sleep (especially when driving for lyft).
Which means that I’m also exhausted.
More so than usual.
Most of the time, I am barely standing on my own two feet that being there for someone else will leave me crippled.
It doesn’t mean I don’t care.
I do. I really do.
But I just mentally, emotionally, and physically can’t.
There’s only so much pressure one person can handle.
Instead of thinking that no one cares, realize you never know what someone might be going through.
You never know how exhausted someone might be.
You don’t know how someone tolerates stress and anxiety.
“But I’m there for them no matter what! Why can’t they do the same?”
(honestly, if that’s a regular pattern, you might want to reevaluate the friendship – I’ll touch base on that later).
But you might not realize…. they need help too but can’t voice it.
They might barely have their head above the water.
Trying to be there for you might mean drowning themselves.
And though I believe it’s good to have a friend to vent and share the struggles with, people handle stress differently.
Some need community (friends) and others need solitude.
Also, take it from someone who gave so much.
I was such a people pleaser and I was hurting myself so much until I learned to set boundaries and learned to say no.
It doesn’t mean i don’t care.
It just means I learned to love myself too.
So what CAN you do?
Remember I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum.
In fact, I’m right there right now where I need help and support.
But I’ve learned to rise above my circumstances rather than holding a grudge against my friends (because at the end of the day, I love them and they have been there for me in so many ways that not being there on occassion, because life happens, isn’t gonna break the friendship)
God is ALWAYS there. And honestly, in times where I really need that connection, it’s not even “formal” prayers.
It’s “Hi God..you know, my current situation really sucks….”
He wants to be there for you. He wants you to share your heart with him.
So open up to him.
2. Be proactive.
Whatever the situation may be, there is always a solution. Most of the time, there is more than one.
And it sucks but usually, it’s not a quick fix.
Repetitive actions led you to where you are.
Or it might have been being passive for so long that inaction is what got you to be where you are.
And other times, it’s an acute incident where it takes a toll on you.
Relationships. Finances. Loss.
In every situation, you WILL heal.
You WILL overcome.
You WILL press forward.
Take action and do something to heal and rise.
The results might not be immediate but it’ll help in the long run.
3. Self-care, self-love, self-improvement.
Some friends ARE struggling themselves. Even if they aren’t, allow them to be in the space where they need to be. If they are communicating with you that they can’t help you, that’s okay.
That SHOULD be okay.
If YOU are guilt tripping them for not being a good friend because they are adulting.. I would say you aren’t being a good friend either.
People need be there for their family.
People need to work.
It doesn’t do much when two people are both left in the dark.
On the flip side, if the friendship always has been a one way street, it will probably remain that way.
Either accept the friendship for what it is or set that boundary for yourself and move on.
And tying back to number 2, be proactive.
Practice self-care, self-love, and self-improvement
If you are feeling lonely or frustrated or stressed, do what you love, take care of yourself, and/or better yourself.
Dance. Pray. Read a book for fun. Read a personal develooment book. Read the Bible. Write. Nap. Exercise. Watch a movie. Work on a project. Find another way to gain financially. Explore new recipes. Take yourself out on a date. Try breathing exercises. Take up a new hobby.
There are so many things you can do to improve your current situation and state of mind rather than being bitter.
4. Not so much of a tip as it is a positive affirmation.
You are a survivor. You are a fighter. You are a warrior.
Whether or not there are people behind you, you are thriving regardless.
It’s okay to be strong for yourself and be by yourself.
Take this season of loneliness to really learn to love yourself.
This might come off as isolating but it isn’t.
By learning to be self-sufficient, I’ve learned to stay strong for myself and also be a more dependable friend in turn.
And when I say stand strong for myself, it doesn’t mean I never feel the need to have a friend for support or help but it means I have learned to rise above whatever it is I might be going through with or without support.
It’s not your friend.
It’s your current situation that you are aggravated by.
Life isn’t always perfect.
For anybody. For you or your friends.
But how you approach your situation and how you value your friendships is what matters.
You are strong.
So BE strong. 💪