Can Women Pursue Men?

I see a lot of debate on this particular topic.
Do we wait?
Can we drop hints?
Can we initiate conversations?
Is it a sin to take action?
Is it a sin to be passive?

I’m not an expert but I just thought I’d share my OPINION.

I do not think there is a right or wrong way to date.
But I do think that whatever choice you make needs to be faith-based and that your heart needs to be in the right place.

So let’s go over some heart-checking list.

1. Are you idolizing after relationships, a guy, or marriage?
God isn’t going to give you something you are putting above him.
It’s not a bad thing to have the desire for a healthy, loving marriage, but putting anything above God is sin.
What do you consume most of your time with more?
Swiping on dating apps or prayer?
Being anxious waiting on a reply from a guy or reading His word?
Daydreaming about being in a relationship or focusing on becoming the woman God wants you to be?

What’s your priority right now?
Your relationship with God or looking for a husband?

2. To wait or to initiate?
Clearly I don’t know what God is thinking but I believe that God speaks to every one of us and that discernment is necessary.
I also believe that God doesn’t work in a “one size fits all” fashion.
He uses all of us and our unique personalities to glorify Him in different ways.
Bethany might be told to wait while Susan is told to pursue.
But both will have a beautiful testimony to how they have met their husbands.

Let me clarify though, when I say “pursue” pertaining to women, I do not mean women are courting and planning dates and chasing men. I strongly believe that that role is reserved for the men, at least in the beginning.

But I do mean letting her interest be known, initiating conversation, and communicating her intentions.

Yes, times are different but I think Ruth is a perfect example of pursuing.
She made her intentions clear.
Everything she did made it clear that she wanted to be Boaz’s wife.
Boaz then took the lead and took the necessary steps to marry her honorably.

Now, I believe that God is sovereign.
But I can only imagine that if Ruth said, “Naomi! Don’t be ridiculous! I’m not going to do all that!” she never would have married him the way it panned out, or in my human mind, they never would have married.

So listen to what God is saying.

Would pursuing or waiting bring you peace or anxiety?
Is your choice God-honoring or self-serving?
Has he been leading you to be more patient or to act by faith?
Only you would know where you are and how God is leading you so draw near to Him for answers.

3. Does God even want you to be with this person?
A weird thing about me was that even as a young teenager, when I liked someone, sometimes I’d wait until I outgrew those feelings because I knew it wasn’t going to last.
Back then it was for shallow reasons.. not liking the way he chewed his food, not liking his laugh, etc. (I told you.. SHALLOW).

As an adult, I will pass on a guy for more legitimate reasons.
One of my non-negotiable quality I look for in a guy is that he has to be a follower of Jesus.
I have had people tell me that if it wasn’t for their spouse, they never would have come to Christ so that I shouldn’t dismiss non-believers so quickly.
I have already been married to a non-believer and know the strain it puts in a marriage and I know that it’s not something I am going to put myself up against because I know that it will cause me to stumble in my faith and spiritual growth.

Basically what I’m trying to say is, will being with this guy be God-centered and God-honoring?

It doesn’t matter how much you like this guy. If he isn’t going to be good for your relationship with God, He’s not going to want you to wait for this guy or pursue him.

4. Is your choice based on fear?
Are you choosing to wait because you’re scared to make a move?
Are you choosing to make a move because you’re scared to wait?

If there is anything I learned, not just in relationships but for every aspect of life, it’s to never make a choice based off fear.

I’m not saying that if you’re choosing to wait because you’re afraid to make a move that making a move is the right move and vice versa.

What I am encouraging though, is that you should remove fear out of your season of singleness.

Trust God and trust that He will guide you in what to do.
Be open to receive His direction and LISTEN.

I know this doesn’t give a black and white answer to the question of whether or not women can pursue.
But I don’t believe that pursuing a man – taking the initiative to show him that you are interested, is a sin.
Chasing after a man after he’s already expressed his disinterest or going out of your way and devoting your time and efforts to make your interest known is desperation and putting the guy above God – aka sin.

Above all, what matters most is what God is leading you to do, keeping Him at the center of your life, and pursuing God first.

James 1:5 NIV
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.


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