“Sorry, you have too much baggage for me to deal with.” – D. Bag
I actually had a guy tell me that as his first message. I didn’t even message him. Just read my profile and had the need to tell me that I am not of his interest.
My response was, “I think you mean blessings but cool – I’m not looking for anyone to ‘deal’ with anything.”
Normally, I don’t response to such negativity but he picked the wrong day to message me.
When I got divorced, the term, “baggage,” was thrown around at me in regards to my kids.
My kids and my history are not baggage.
And neither are yours.
I think we can all agree our past is what made us who we are today and our kids are gifts.
However, I think there are some serious baggage that we do need to identify in order to change our perception of dating.
Here are both personal and general ideas of what I believe to be baggage.
It doesn’t always mean it’s a deal breaker but I think these are powerful things that can influence a relationship to go south if it isn’t appropriately and/or quickly resolved whether it’s during your singlehood or together in a relationship.
This is a personal one but I also know that finances have also drifted many couples apart and ended many marriages.
If you’re offended because you have a huge debt on your shoulders, let me clarify.
If you have a solid plan and you are chipping away at your debt, I’d say your fine. But only you can be honest with yourself and make that choice for yourself.
However, if you are struggling to make ends meet, spend your money irresponsibly, have a debt that brings stress into your life, I’d think twice about dating.
Not because it’s a thing that makes you unqualified, but because this is what you’re bringing into your relationship.
You’re bringing financial stress and irresponsible spending into a relationship.
This is the time where you should look into how you are going to tackle your debt, control your money, and find the root cause of your excess spending (Is it a coping mechanism? Shopaholic? Prioritizing issue? Etc.)
Because what you are doing now financially is what you will be bringing into your relationship/marriage
Drama with your ex, drama with your family, drama with your baby daddy, drama with anyone.
Having drama that you’re going to bring into your relationship needs to end first.
It doesn’t mean you have to have a perfect relationship with everyone or that you can’t have disagreements with anyone.
But it means forgiving whoever did you wrong and moving forward.
It means making the best out of a terrible situation.
It means you are able to handle disagreements with maturity and grace.
The less drama you have, the less toxic vibes you are bringing into your brand new relationship.
It also shows how you handle negative situations and that you have a low tolerance for negativity.
We all have them.
I’m not saying you have to be confident everyday and that you can’t have any insecurities but what I am encouraging is for you to now allow it to overdrive your thoughts, actions, and words.
If your insecurities weigh heavy on your heart, try countering that with acceptance, self-love, confidence, and proactivity.
One of my insecurities are the scars that I have all all over my face.
It used to wedge itself between any area in my life – job interviews, dating, making friends.
I’ve started a skincare regimen and even though they are still just as prevalent, following a routine just helps me feel more complete somehow. I’ve also learned to embrace my flaws and accept the way I look.
There are days when I still feel self-conscious about it but it no longer holds any influence in my life.
Work towards overcoming your insecurities so that you can have a more confident stance in your relationships.
4. Incessant complaining
I think we all know someone or have known someone where everything in their life is just wrong. It’s never-ending.
Coffee spills and car won’t start and kids are sick and then they are sick and unexpected bills come up and their friend won’t talk to them anymore and they just went on the worst date ever and it goes on and on.
It’s hard to admit it but sometimes, that person is US.
We see all the errors and failures happening in our lives and we give it so much attention without realizing the amount of energy we are giving into it.
I’m not saying you can’t have bad days and that you have to be happy all the time.
But I think it’s important to become aware which vibe we are feeding into more.
Practice gratitude, vent in a healthy way, and go on living with your badass self.
Don’t let the storms in life keep you drenched when it’s sunny after it passes.