When you know exactly what you want and you know that what you want is reasonable, you just know whether or not a relationship is going work. You just know whether or not you’re going to CHOOSE to love this person.
My number one item on my list when it comes to dating is that he has to have a heart for Jesus.
And for the past month, I’ve been seeing a guy who claimed to know and follow Christ.
I’m not doubting his beliefs.
But I’m indifferent to what he proclaims.
Why? Because whenever I do talk about Jesus, he never responds.
Or he changes the subject.
We were sitting in the car just talking and even though he was just inches away from me, I felt like we were worlds apart.
And that’s when I knew this isn’t the kind of relationship I wanted.
It might sound trivial to some.
It’s JUST religion.
But for me, it’s not.
This is the God who reached out and saved my life when I wanted to end my life.
This is the God who had given me strength, hope, and so many blessings.
This is the God who, no matter how much I mess up, continues to love me and work through me.
It’s not just religion.
It’s a lifestyle.
And I want to be with someone who loves and pursues God.
The way I would explain it is that I didn’t feel spiritually connected to him.
Our connection felt shallow at best.
He exists and I exist and we’re both cool people so… it only makes sense to make it work, right? (wrong)
He wasn’t a bad guy.
But I’m choosing to follow my inner gut feeling telling me that he isn’t the one.
(I’ll write a whole other blog post on my thoughts of “the one”)
I think that’s the hardest part of dating – letting the good ones go because they just aren’t a good “fit”
He would be the third “good guy” I’m letting go.
But letting go is a part of self-care and self-love.
Because if you don’t feel drawn to him, being in a relationship isn’t going to change that, and especially not marriage.
Instead of forcing something to work, it’s important to realize that saying, “No,” is a choice and an acceptable one.
Love doesn’t always conquer.
And sometimes, love isn’t enough.
The way I like to think of it as is when you love someone, first of all, feelings don’t last. Love takes work.
And unless you genuinely feel connected to someone and things align well – location (i.e. I can’t and don’t want a long distance relationship), availability, future goals, lifestyle, etc. it just might NOT work.
(keyword being might)
That’s dependent on an individual’s preference and boundaries but if you know in your heart that it’s not going to work, don’t let the feelings of “love” outweigh logic and linger in a relationship that you know is going to lead to unhappiness… Not because he wasn’t a good guy but because he wasn’t a good fit – there’s a difference.
Love in the emotional sense doesn’t mean anything.
And one good guy isn’t the end all be all of your dating life.
You’re amazing and despite the number of low-vibing men, there are still plenty of good guys out there in the sea.
It’s okay to say, “No.”