How to Find Dates Outside of Dating Apps

Boy meets girl.
Girl meets boy.
Eyes connect.
And boom.

Before you know it, you see them talking the night away and exiting the door they came through alone, together.

Does that even happen anymore?

I feel like it’s not as common but I prefer meeting people organically rather than online dating where steady streams of texting and getting to one another before meeting is necessary.

Plus…catfishing is a thing… and I hate my time being wasted.

Let me just tell ya.. I have social anxiety.
I couldn’t approach a guy even if my life depended on it.

I can’t approach anyone in general, let alone guys with the intention of getting their number without probably having a stupid look on my face, getting tongue tied, and saying a string of words disguised as a sentence full of grammatical errors (But this can also work to your advantage and I’ll share how down below).

Butttt, it doesn’t mean I can’t try and have guys come talk to me.
And there are a few things I picked up on that has actually worked for me.
In the past couple of months, I have gotten numbers and been on a few dates from meeting guys organically.
So here’s what I’ve figured out.

1. Go OUT!
This is a no brainer but with the number of online dating apps that are available, it’s overlooked. If you want to meet someone organically, it takes effort.
It means having to actually go out and doing things..where there are other people around.

It means getting out of those sweats and socializing.
You’re not sitting in your room swiping left and right.

As a single mom, I don’t get to go out often.
And sometimes, I just want be out and about for the sake of just being with good friends and making memories and meeting a guy is the last thing on my mind (but sometimes, it happens anyway).

But there are times when I’m actually intentional about it and put a LITTLE extra effort into my looks and be mentally prepared for “flirting” (I have no game LOL).
Sometimes, it ends up being a fluke but it’s okay. It’s the equivalent to not getting matches.

The idea is that you went out and LIVED.

Also, it’s possible to meet someone while running errands.
I’d say 90% of the time, I’m not open to flirting when I’m on a mission to get things done so my body language is “I’m busy, don’t talk to me.”

But sometimes, on the rare occasions where I’m not in a hurry, I’m a lot more open, and sometimes (rarely in my experiences though), a guy will come up and talk to you.

2. Smile
Smiling goes a long way. Sometimes, it’s intimidating for me and I miss my opportunity and just stand there.. probably with an RBF.
But when I’m in the right mindset and someone catches my eye, I smile.
And sometimes, when I have the guts and if he’s in range, I’ll say, “Hi.”

I’d say that at most times, they’ll smile back.
And sometimes, they’ll start a conversation.
And with that, sometimes, comes the number exchange.

Score!

3. Relax
I know it’s hard to do, especially when you have social anxiety, but chances are, when you’re tensed up and nervous, it’s going to show.
And chances are, you aren’t going to look inviting and remember that guys are nervous too.

Being relaxed and looking approachable helps a guy out in giving that bit of confidence to go for it.

So just keep it light and try not to get caught up in the idea of “trying to find a guy.”
Relax and enjoy yourself, whether you’re by yourself or with your friends.

4. Own it!
You know all the quirks that you have?
Like how I mentioned I can’t even form a sentence?
OWN IT.

Pass it off as cute.

It’s okay to laugh at yourself.
It’s okay to correct yourself too.

The nervous giggles.
When you trip over your feet.
When you reverse the verb with the noun..
“What do you do?”
“I school at a teach…” *palm face*

It’s FINE. It happens to everyone.

Don’t hang the little moments over your head and just laugh it off and own it.

From my experience, guys find it cute anyway.

Also, bonus tip.
There’s a difference between playing dumb and genuinely just losing yourself in the moment. Guys can tell the difference.
So don’t pretend to be something you aren’t.
Own every bit of who you are.

Annddd just to advocate for the guys out there, realize it’s scary for the men to approach us just as it is for us to approach them.
If they have the guts to ask you out and you aren’t feeling attracted to them, let them down easy.
Don’t act sour and be rude.

That’ll only make it that much harder for them to ask out other girls in the future.
Rejection hurts.
And the fear of rejection is a real thing.

Be kind 🙂

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