On Monday, I made a list of fear based lies that we tend to believe that discourages us from dating or makes us want to settle for someone who isn’t quite so good for us.
If you want to read part one, you can do so here Part One
Monday, we covered the lie that we tend to believe that there are no more good guys left.
Today, we’ll talk about the fact that we are getting older and essentially, “running out of time.”
And trust me, as I’m about to turn 30 in a little over a month, this is a sensitive topic for me.
I cry almost every time I am reminded.
Ask my friends.
As the days, weeks, months, and years go by, we start to get a little anxious.
It goes from, “Okay…maybe I didn’t find a guy this year but maybe next year..”
And the new year rolls around…
“Okay, so I didn’t have anyone to kiss on New Year’s.”
“Okay, so I don’t have a Valentine’s Day date.”
“Okay, so I don’t have anyone to celebrate St. Patty’s Day with.”
“Okay, so I didn’t really have a summer fling.”
“Okay, so I didn’t have a guy to bring with me to that Halloween party.”
“Okay, so I disappointed my parents again showing up single on Thanksgiving Day.”
“Okay, so I don’t have a boyfriend during Christmas.”
“Okay…maybe I didn’t find a guy this year but maybe next year..”
And the cycle repeats.
And you’re only getting older.
And that unsettling panic starts sinking in.
What if you never find anyone? What if you die…. single…and alone.
At this point, you either come to terms that you’ll become a cat lady (or dog) or you decide you’re going to keep the next guy that asks you out, no matter how much of a jerk he is.
Because at this rate, having a jerk is better than having nobody.
And that is what I see happening most often.
Out of desperation, we seek and pull the smallest good qualities we can find in a low quality guy and bury ALL the red flags.
“What? He ghosted me for a week? NO. He’s just busy working. He’s dedicated. He’ll message me when he gets the chance.”
“He got fired again? He’s just trying to figure out what he wants to do! I’m going to support him and help him find his dream job. He’s a passionate person!”
“He only gets angry when he drinks. I just gotta make sure he’s not around alcohol or avoid him when he’s drunk. Who can blame him? We all have alter egos when we drink! He’s FINE!”
Know what I mean? We use “love” as an excuse for the other person. Ride or die, right?
Wrong. This isn’t love. This is unhealthy.
Let me first share some assurances.
I have met people with beautiful love stories ranging from high school sweethearts to meeting their love in their senior years.
It doesn’t matter if they were 16 or 56.
It’s beautiful regardless.
And I know we’d rather find our love sooner than later.
But I heard this saying twice.
Once from a really good friend and another from a sermon.
If you aren’t dead yet, God is still blessing you.
You could meet your soulmate tomorrow.
Or 50 years down the road.
So really, we are NOT running out of time ladies.
There’s no concept of time when it comes to love and quite frankly, with my own personal impulsive mistakes and serendipitous opportunities in my everyday life that could only be given by God, I’m totally content with waiting on God’s timing with my love life…because that’s kind of a big deal.
I mean, we’re talking about spending THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with someone.
But I know. I get it.
We want that partnership.
We want someone to build with.
We want someone we can share memories with.
So the question is, what the heck do you do with all this anxious waiting?
Don’t just wait.
Don’t just twiddle your thumbs while God is aligning your love story timeline.
Be a wife.
Your singleness is THE best training ground for practicing patience, encouragement, love, forgiveness, grace, and even personal goals whether it’s financial management, investments, nurturing relationships with friends and family, health, growing in your faith, pursuing higher education and indulging in your passions like traveling, pursuing your dream job, cooking, drawing, dancing, anything.
If you’re hurting or recovering from a detrimental relationship, take the time to heal.
Learn to love yourself.
Find confidence in God’s truths.
You are worth more than rubies.
You are a daughter of the King.
You have a place at the table.
Your home is the Kingdom of God.
You are wonderfully and fearfully made.
You carry the thumbprint of God.
You were made intentionally.
You have a purpose.
God wants to use you for His great plans!
It’s so much easier to focus on all of those things while you are single than when you’re in a relationship.
And I’m not saying you’re not good enough but if there are things you KNOW you want to improve on but don’t work on them (read about relationship baggages here) and enter into a relationship, you’re bringing a whole lot of unnecessary obstacles into a relationship.
Not that that’s necessarily “bad” but wouldn’t you rather start a new relationship with a great guy on the right foot?
Growing will keep you busy.
You’re so focused on becoming who you are meant to be and carrying out your God-given purpose that entering a relationship is something you don’t mind putting off until God says it’s time.
God is never late.
And God is very clear.
This is the time where you surrender ALL your desires at His feet and He’ll give you so much more than you could have ever expected.
This is the time where you listen to what He has in store for you rather than leading yourself astray by what you want – the lust of the world.
1 John 2:16 NLT
For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.
What you see in the world works backwards.
The world will glorify marriages and relationships to the singles while the world boasts of freedom and adventures to those who are paired.
You are where you are for a reason.
One isn’t better than the other.
It’s not too late.
It’s not too late to find love and it’s not too late to grow.
Trust God and embrace the season you are in right now and live each day in God’s blessings.