I’ve been hearing a lot about people wanting “ride or die” relationships.
And honestly, I think it’s one of the most dangerous #relationshipgoals to want.
1. You start making excuses for him
“He’s only like this when he’s drunk.”
“He normally doesn’t act this way.”
“He only gets like this when (insert excuse here).”
The fact is, it doesn’t matter if he becomes aggressive, violent, abusive, neglectful, etc. “only” under circumstances.
That’s a part of who he is.
It’s a repeating pattern of behavior.
So instead of making excuses for him, accept his behaviors at face value and realize he is someone unsafe to be with.
The Ride or Die idea makes you feel like it’s the noble and honorable thing to do as you stand beside him, tolerating and accepting his negative behavior.
Which leads me to my second point.
2. You cannot fix him.
Don’t stick around trying to help him.
Don’t stay in a relationship where you hope he will change for the better.
Some people, no matter how much you pour into them, will not get better.
Love, in fact, does not conquer all.
Do you really want to be a “ride or die” to someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you? Ride or die would also include him going against his addiction and short fuse, no?
His anger problem..
His cheating and lying… no?
From a woman’s perspective, the ride or die idea is one sided.
It’s the glamorized idea that WE are the ones sacrificing our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being while we “ride” by his side, trying to be the foundation that helps conquer his weaknesses.
Reality is, a TRUE healthy relationship would be where BOTH are doing what’s best for each other and themselves.
“Ride or die” is a toxic mindset to be in when the guy you’re with isn’t worth being with.
3. You start letting things slide
Your love goggles intensifies when you realize he’s wrong for you simply because you want to be THAT girlfriend.
The girl who will stick by your man no matter what.
So what if he struggles with this and that? You chose him and you’re going to stick by him.
You start enabling him.
This is worse than making excuses for his behavior because at this point, you are accepting his behavior and choosing to be with him in spite of his behavior.
Letting things slide is detrimental to your mental and emotional health.
Deep down, you ARE bothered by his negative vibe yet you are allowing yourself to be in that environment.
Letting go is the best thing you can do when you are in this kind of relationship.
It’s only going take you deeper into a hole that it’ll become harder to climb out of.
4. You start alienating yourself.
Your family sees it.
Your friends can see it.
He isn’t a good guy and yet the mindset of being a ride or die is keeping you with him.
Even if you know they’re right.
The worst part is, HE knows it too. And he takes advantage of your loyalty.
He knows you’ll be standing there right beside him through thick and thin.
Even after the worst has happened.
Eventually, you cut your friends and family off for speaking down on him.
You choose him above them.
You choose him above yourself.
And that’s not a healthy place to be in.
I’ve been there.
I held on for eight years and it took me to the point of wanting to commit suicide.
Ride or die?
Be a decent human being or get lost.
Perfection is impossible.
But being kind, responsible, and loving towards others and self should be a baseline for whether not he is someone worth getting to know.
Elevate yourselves, ladies.