Today, I sat alone.
I went to go watch my kids perform with their choir for the spring recital.
At first, there were plenty of empty seats.
A few family here and there.
But in a matter of minutes, the audience was filling up with couples, families, friends, and grandparents.
Surrounded by groups, I sat alone.
And it wasn’t until I became aware that I was sitting alone in a crowd of groups that I realized this was the moment people would feel lonely.
But I didn’t.
I’ve never really felt lonely.
Before you roll your eyes thinking, “Cool, good for you, Lexi,” and skip over this post, I’m here to help you end that cycle of feeling lonely because this is a post that I have wanted to write for a long time.
Loneliness, from my experience, has been a key factor in single women going back to toxic relationships, jumping from one relationship to the next, and
I just wasn’t quite sure how to help others with something that I hardly felt.
But being in that audience, sitting with two empty chairs beside me and families around me, I reflected on the words people have told me when they felt lonely and tried to put myself in their shoes.
This is what I came up with.
1. Focus on yourself
I didn’t realize that I was probably the only one sitting by myself until someone tapped on my shoulder to ask if anyone was sitting next to me.
And then it dawned on me how many families were here.
And don’t get me wrong. I have the desires of having a man beside as we watch my girls grow.
But until that happens, you can bet I’m not going to sit around feeling empty and sorry for myself.
What for? My life is both completely full and beautifully chaotic.
While seeing my kids come up on the stage, I couldn’t help but think how much they have grown.
I couldn’t help but think how much more they deserve and how much more I wish I can afford extracurricular activities.
And then I felt a pang of nervousness and excitement as I realized I will be returning to school in the Fall to finish my degree so that I CAN give my kids all that they deserve.
And then I felt anxious just thinking about balancing everything when school does start.
And again, the fact that I was sitting alone in the audience became irrelevant.
Loneliness is a thief of joy.
Don’t let being alone produce the feeling of loneliness but instead a feeling of fortitude.
2. Fill your void
Fill yourself up with so much love and the things that you enjoy that you don’t even have the room to feel lonely.
I know it’s exhausting as a single mother to even find the space to fill you up with joy and love but that’s when you gotta make it a priority.
Spend some extra time reading the Bible.
Recognize the real love that God has for you.
Reach out to friends.
Reach out to family.
Go for a walk.
Do that thing you’ve always wanted to do.
Make a plan on how you’re going to crush those goals.
Read a book.
You don’t have to do all of these.
You don’t have to do it every day.
But practice it enough to realize that your own company is enough and everything else is a bonus.
3. Lean on God
God promises us so many promises, gives us so much hope, and so much love.
I know it’s hard to get to a place where seeking God brings peace but that’s how crucial it is to depend on Him.
Crack open that Bible soak in His words.
Meditate on it.
Memorize a verse.
Practice gratitude for everything He has already given – not give him grief about what you don’t have.
He knows what you don’t have and what you desire.
Faithfully place it in his hands.
Your desire for a husband.
Your desire for friendships or a community.
Your living situation.
Give it all to God.
But most importantly, be willing to be led.
The feeling of loneliness is Satan’s way of making you feel like you aren’t enough and that what you already have isn’t enough.
But those are lies.
You are more than enough.
You have enough.
If you have a home, an income, food, clothes, and your kids are happy… that’s all that matters.
It’s not about how run down your home is.
It’s not about how you don’t make enough.
It’s not about eating frozen pizza again.
It’s not about how single you are and how many failed dating experiences and relationships you’ve been in.
It’s about God’s restoration and redemption.
You may be in the desert right now but you’re going to enter His promised land soon.
Keep your head up, sis.
I am praying breakthrough over your life.