QT Reflection: Seek God First

Before I made the choice to leave my ex-husband, I sought God first. At that time, I wasn’t a strong believer. It was probably the first time in a long time that I prayed with sincerity.

I didn’t know what to do. I was depressed. I wanted to end my life. I wanted things to work but I was so tired of fighting for something that was hurting me so much.
I prayed that He would heal my marriage. That if I needed to change, that He would change me to be a better wife.

The night I wanted to end my life, I heard Him speak to me.
He said “I want you to come back to me. Just come back to me. I have forgiven you and I will take care of you.” (Words I will never forget)

I cried even harder, surrendering myself to God in that moment.
I stayed for another month, praying with fervor that He will heal my marriage. But that wasn’t His will for my life.

The day I left was the day I found he was lying to me again about flirting with other girls.
I went up to him angry and in tears.”Why do you keep lying to me?”
He said, “I’m sick of this shit. Just pack your shit and leave.”

This wasn’t the first time he’s said that to me. And I used to break down in fear and beg for another chance. I used to apologize profusely and say that I’ll do better.

But that time? The last time he ever told me to pack my things and go… was the time God was pounding in my ears “NOW! Now is the time to go!” I heard His voice with so much urgency and authority that I did.
Instead of crying for another chance, I replied with, “Fine.”
And instantaneously, I felt a wave of peace wash over me.
Leaving him to follow God was the best choice I’ve ever made for my life.
And I still seek God. Because since that day, God never did abandon me.
He has been by my side through the best and worst of my times as a single mom.

He restored broken relationships bringing me closer to family and friends.
He brought me opportunities I never would have dreamed of.
He surprised me with financial breakthroughs.
He has been leading me in my journey in my education.
He has been healing me and restoring me.
He has never abandoned me even when I didn’t see how things could work out.
My biggest lesson, however, is that seeking God doesn’t guarantee the kind of solution you want. But it does guarantee His faithfulness to you.

I have experienced crazy blessings but I’ve also had to navigate some very dark times.
It could feel like He did abandon you. But continue to seek Him. Never waver in your faith. And you will come out with victory in the end 

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