Singleness is Temporary

I was reading a post in a single moms group about how out of place she felt going somewhere because it was all married couples.

And I just wanted to share a reminder..
Not to be confused with trying to lessen your hurt.. you have every right to feel hurt… but hear me out

For every married couple you envy.. the ones that look so happy… the marriage that you wish you had.. 100% of them are struggling
And 50% of them will probably end up divorced.
And from those 50%, the wife is envious of your singleness

Because while you envy her partnership..that might not even be there.. she envies your freedom.

My hope for you is that you start CELEBRATING your singleness.
There are so many blessings to receive in your singleness that you can’t receive in marriage.

I know it may seem like forever… but girl… singleness is temporary. Unless you are called to it. And if you are called to it.. then you KNOW the blessings that are headed your way.

But let me repeat that. Singleness is temporary. How are you celebrating it?

Enjoy Your Singleness

I just wanted to share my thoughts as a means of encouragement.

But while going on a walk today and listening to a message.. I was pouring my heart out to God saying “when will it be my turn? I’d like to have a partner and someone to show my kids what a Godly marriage looks like.”

And God challenged my desires with this question…Do you really? Do you REALLY want a husband?

Because here’s the thing.
Ever since I left my ex now almost 4 years ago, I have been so happy despite my struggles.

He blessed me so much with amazing friends and opportunities and mended my relationship with my family (DV/abused).

And I was reminded of all the sacrifices and effort it takes to maintain a relationship.
The nuances. The compromise. The considerations. The sacrifices.

And YES! I would love to have a husband.
But right now. No.
Not at all.
I want all the time I want to focus on finishing my degree. Getting a house. Spending time with my kids. Making memories with my friends.
And CONTINUE to enjoy my freedom.

I don’t want to give up what I have now for a husband.

And there would be times when I would feel so frustrated for cutting off guy after guy (because I’m not desperate and not willing to settle) wondering if I’m being too picky or if my standards are unreasonable.

Or even on the flip side.. am I not good enough? Not attractive enough? Not smart enough? For the kind of man I desire?

But God placed a calmness in my heart saying that I’m hidden.

Because he knows I’m not ready. I know I’m not ready. At least not yet. And honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready or if I’ll ACTUALLY want to give up my singleness for a husband.

Does a part of me wish it would happen sooner than later? Of course.

But I’m so grateful for the season of being hidden.
It gives me time to spend time with God.
It’s giving me the time I need to prepare and accomplish all the desires that I have in my heart.

I would be miserable if I was in a relationship right now, even if he was my “perfect” guy because right now, I just want and need to be selfish.

So I wanted to share this with you ladies.
If you’re feeling frustrated in your singleness.
If you’re desiring a marriage but its not happening.

You’re probably hidden by God and for good reason.
And while you’re being hidden, He’s orchestrating the most beautiful love story for you.
Something worth being hidden for.

Stay hidden and enjoy this season.
Your marriage is going to be blessed and last a lifetime.
But your singleness won’t. So make the best of it while you can ๐Ÿ’•

Financial Tracking for the Week of January 12, 2020 + Life Update

Oh my gerrddd!!
First of all, sorry I didn’t post last week!
It was one heck of a week!

The day after my car accident, my bathroom ceiling started to leak… HEAVILY.
Between making phone calls with the office to get it fixed and making phone calls with the insurance company.. it was just too crazy!

It was also the week I started my classes and resumed work from winter break so it was just overall overwhelming for me.

First of all though.. some PRAISES are due!

My school refund money came through and I received more than I anticipated! I’m not sure how I did my math wrong but when I double checked, everything was accounted for so it was not a mistake!

Second, I received $500 from my friends and family from my GoFundMe campaign and I couldn’t be more grateful for such supportive people in my life!

Third, about a month ago (I had forgotten that I did this), I applied for a COF waiver. It’s essentially a fund for college when you are a resident in Colorado. I had already used mine up for awhile. But recently, I got an email stating that my financial aid is running low. After my Fall 2020 semester, I won’t have any Pell Grants to use. So I panicked and applied for the waiver.

On Thursday, I was notified that my waiver was approved! It will be applied for this Spring semester as well my Fall semester.
So financial aid for Spring 2021, my final semester, is a little iffy – not sure how I will be able to afford it since it is the semester where I will be doing student teaching and we don’t get paid for that but I’m placing that in God’s hands.

For now, I just want to celebrate the fact that I got an additional $1,700 from my COF!

RIGHT in the nick of time as I haven’t been able to drive for Lyft while my car was in the shop getting fixed, that I also did not have to spend a dime on.

GOD IS GOOD!

All that being said, lesson I learned is that I need to CHILL.

God has never steered me wrong so far.

I’ll be put in tough situations but He has always come through for me.
A book I recently read stated that hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.

I need to keep my hope alive in HIM and worry a lot less.

Anywho, let’s get into the nitty gritty.

Weekly Budget

Monday 13th:

xcel: $205

Capital One CC: $25

Wednesday 15th:

Total Visa CC: $40

student loans: $100

Thursday 16th:

Disney+: $13

Friday 17th:

VS: $45

Car payment: $361

Saturday 18th:

BB: $17

Total due: $716

Major payments coming up the following week:

Lendgreen loan payment: $208

Car insurance: $200

Golden Valley Loan payment: $400

Needed: $808

How much I need this week:

What I have in my account: $452

Cash: $1,200

What I need to pay my bills this week: $264

How much I need for next week (including other bills): $867

So I know some of you guys think I’m crazy but I’m going to try REALLY hard not spend any of my cash.

Reserving it for NEXT MONTH’S rent so that I won’t be behind again.
So driving for Lyft is still very crucial to me.

I also got a SUPER part-time flexible job (like 6 hours a week). It’s a little strenuous putting in the time between school, being a mom, and my day job, but I’m looking forward to it nonetheless.

I’m trying to decide whether or not I should make that income as “unusable” and just cash it in and putting into my envelopes… (or put it towards my bills..to finish my thought because I’m about to go on a tangent).

Which reminds me.
I decided to use the envelope system!

I am using my envelopes as a form to pay my rent on time and save up for different things (my kids’ college tuition, fun, house, emergency, etc.)

Whatever is in my bank account is for paying bills.

Anyway, back to my budgeting. It is a hefty amount that I owe next week but it is also the week that I get my first paycheck from my new job and child support comes in.

I don’t think I necessarily need to drive for Lyft either but I will be.
Goal is to earn $250 next weekend (or more depending on the following week’s bills).

Since I am sort of getting “ahead,” with my bills, I want to start saving an additional $100-$200 from my main income depending on how much I make (I get paid hourly and since I work at elementary school, there are extended weekends to be accounted for).

I also started a home business working with a network marketing company called Color Street and I absolutely LOVE it.

I’m going to make a separate earning page for it soon.

I think I will also start sharing the books I read (52 books in 52 weeks) and use Amazon’s affiliate program to earn an extra income that way as well.

Another WIN for me is that I paid off TWO of my installment loans so far!

So goodbye MoneyTree and Speedy Cash!

I need to update that on “My Debt” page!

I am SO excited that they have been paid off and even though a part of me SOMETIMES gets the itch to borrow again, I refuse to. I just cannot keep living in this vicious cycle of debt and I don’t want to.

It is hard enough as it is without the extra payments.

Right now, I feel like I am still staying “afloat” financially.
But eventually, I would like to get to a place where my extra job, home business, and driving for Lyft not only covers my bills but I will be able to pay off my loan debts.

According to my notes, if I am following the snowball method, Bright Lending would be the first one I’d like to pay off. I called for this month and they deferred the payment of $236.54

I owe a total of 8 payments with that payment but the payoff amount is $483.77
Crazy right?

Those interest rates are RIDICULOUS.

I have a couple other loans that will be paid be offย  next month and March per payment schedule so I’m excited for the extra breathing room!

Once those are paid off, Advance America is the next to go using solely my “own money” (income, Color Street, Lyft – whatever it takes).

What I mean by that is at some point, I’ll be getting my tax refund. The only debt I plan on paying off using that money is Golden Valley (large principal + high interest).

After that, I only have my AmerAssist collections payment to worry about but the amount is too large. Even if I could cover it with my tax refund, I’d rather keep my money because (to my knowledge.. I should call and check) it is not accruing interest.

I’d rather keep my money for the summer months that I do not get paid, a required class that I need to take over summer, 2020-2021 winter break, and finally, my 2021 student teaching months and then the next two summers (though I’ll get a tax refund for next year too.. but I’m just planning ahead).

Not to mention whatever is left over after rent and bills to cover with my refund, I’d like to put the rest into my cash envelopes – mostly my house one.

There has been some definite victories over this past week and many more to come.

I just gotta keep my head down and keep grinding.
I think the first six months of this year is going to be HARD.

19 credits, a side job, a home business, this blog, Lyfting, reading 52 books a week, working on my fitness…I’m a little all over the place but they all have rhyme and reason.. a purpose.

I’m excited to work hard and embrace the year of sowing.

Happy New Year to you guys!! โค

 

Dating Do’s and Don’ts for 2020:

Dating Do’s and Don’ts for 2020:

DON’T get your hopes up.
I know it seems exciting to get to know someone and everything in the beginning gives you butterflies but don’t start wondering if he’s the one or what your first date will be like.

DO takes things at face value. If a behavior or response raises a flag for you (notice I didn’t say RED flag), decide if it’s something you could tolerate.

You are NOT overreacting, being too dramatic, or anything between those lines. You are advocating for YOUR love story. You don’t have to tolerate anything you don’t want.

DO run and end things if you do see a red flag.

DON’T have sex so soon if you are wanting something serious. It works for some people but it doesn’t work for everyone. Sex complicates things. You create a bond that you don’t want to break. If you want a true evaluation of the guy, just don’t do it.

DO have a clear list of your non-negotiables. This means if you see this behavior, you’re done. He’s cut. Thank you, next. You’re not being shallow..you’re not being petty.

Again, you are advocating for yourself and your love story. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks if you decide to end it with someone who chews with his mouth open habitually.

DO have a clear list of what you look for in a man. Top 5. You can have more but aim for the top 5.
Again, it doesn’t matter if people think your expectations are unreasonable. And? Are they marrying this person? No.
You are.
If your dream man earns 75k a year then bygoneit, find you a 75k+/year earning man.

DO focus on yourself. LOVE yourself first.
If you don’t, does that mean you don’t deserve love from others?
Definitely not. But I can tell you from personal experience that when YOU vibe higher, you attract better men.

DO aim to reflect the qualities on YOUR list.
Are you the person that the person you’re looking for would want to date?

For example, if you want to date a 75k/year earning man, do you think he’ll want to date someone that mismanages her money, spends frivolously, has high debt, and has no financial stability?
Maybe you’re so amazing that he can look past it but most likely not. Eventually the discrepancy in lifestyle and habits will cause problems

DO invest in a man wisely. This is mostly emotionally. Far too often, I see women who get head over heels too fast. And for what?
What has he done to show you that he even deserves your enthusiasm?

Again, this boils down to self-love. Sis, he should be excited that he gets to take YOU out.

DON’T try and win a man over with sex, food, gifts, a home, your hard earned money, homecooked meals, your car, and whatever else you have to offer.
He should be trying to win YOU over. You’re the prize here.
“Then what do I give him?”
YOUR PRESENCE. Your amazing self. Your smile. Your personality. Your ambition. Your stability. Your dreams. Your goals.

You have NO IDEA how VALUABLE those things are.

Im not opposed to giving once in awhile and treating your man out (ONCE exclusivity with the intention of building for a common goal has been made)

But we do it too soon.. creating a freeloader
You want a man with responsibility? Then give him some.

And he’ll either sink or swim. If he sinks. Bye โœŒ

DO enjoy life. You don’t need a man to start living. I know it’s hard with kids and possibly not a lot of money.
But that doesnt mean you cant have hobbies even in your home.
Even a simple action of putting on face masks, reading a book, setting a goal with a plan to achieve it, etc. can help life your mood.

Find a new hobby. Scrapbooking. Knitting. Take a cooking class. Hike. Collect something. Get into photography. It’s a big world out there.
Lots to explore and do.

When my kids were younger and less independent, we did “easy” things together like arts and crafts. Did I get a “mom” break? Technically no. But I was getting to just ENJOY my time making memories and…. lets be honest, not so pretty art.

But the memories and inside jokes last forever.
ENJOY your life.

DO talk about the hard things first. What is he looking for? What are you looking for?

It’s not going to work if he’s looking to fool around when you’re looking for marriage.

What are his goals and ambitions?

Is it to start up his own company, planting him firmly local?

And yours is to travel?

What if your goal is to create healthy money habits but he doesn’t care about spending money whenever he wants?

I’m not saying it’s impossible and that it can’t happen. But alignment matters.

And last but not least. DON’T worry.
You’re amazing. And whether or not a man is involved, you’re going to live a beautiful life.

Financial Tracking for the Week of December 29, 2019

Welp.
At this rate, I’m ready to throw in the towel.
Yesterday afternoon, I got into a car accident.
Thankfully, I am okay. The other driver is okay. And I am not at fault.

However, as many of you guys know, I drive for Lyft to make ends meet.
My paycheck barely covers rent alone so I heavily rely on Lyft to pay my bills and anything else that I might need.

Right now, I have $200 in my account.

This coming week is the hard week with my rent being due.
I guess there’s no point in delaying.. let’s see how things will look for me financially..

Weekly Budget

Monday 30th:

Xcel bill: $154 ( because it did not process over the weekend)

AmerAssist: $150 (because it did not process over the weekend)

SmartCredit: $100

Wednesday January 1st:

Comcast: $100

YouTube: $8

Friday 3rd:

Rent: $1200

How much I need this week:

What I have in my account:
$200

Cash:
$69 (That I am going to reserve for gas and groceries)

Credit Card #1: $20

Credit Card #2: $15

(also reserving for gas and groceries)

Food Stamp: renewed balance of $20 on the 1st of January

I set up a GoFundMe page to try and get help to hold me over for the month and so far, the balance on there is $30

What I need to get by (excluding rent and gofundme):

$312

I excluded rent because I think that as long as I have $100 in there, it will still process.
It just means not having enough money for my bills and loan payments on the 10th when I get paid because I’m only getting paid for 88 hours…

Not sure how this is going to pan out…

Here to riding life on the seat of our pants.
Cheers!

 

Financial Tracking for the Week of December 22, 2019

Oii.
What a week.

I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I want to rest.

Another week of bills that I can’t afford to pay.
Not to mention not having enough for groceries and food for my dog.

The Gist

Despite the downward spiral of things, a friend of mine gave me a $100. Another friend gave me a gift card for $25.

I think I’m going to use the $25 for gas and use some of that $100 for groceries and other things I need.

The rest will be deposited into my bank for bills.

Another thing I am relieved about is my Golden Valley Lending payment has been pushed back to the 10th of January. And I am SO glad. It was a $400 payment.

Let’s roll up sleeves and get into it.

Weekly Budget:

Sunday 22nd:

Movie Club: $10

Monday 23rd:

Lendgreen: $208

Amazon Prime: $7

Best Buy: $28

Tuesday 24th:

Geico: $200

Friday 27th:

Xcel: $154

Saturday 28th:

AmerAssist: $150

Money I should save up for the following week:

SmartCredit: $100
Rent: Have around $300-400 in account

Total outgoing (not including the following week):

$757

What I have in my account:

$40

Incoming:

+$667

How much I need:

$90

Summary

In retrospect, this isn’t as bad as things appear to be.

But when you are worn out and fighting depression, it just feels like a mountain to climb.

I am hoping child support will come in on Tuesday. That should cover the bigger bills (Lendgreen and car insurance) and give me around $200 until Friday rolls around.

As I am typing this, it is nearly 7:00 P.M.

After a quick dinner (cereal) and a little down time and filling in my to-do list and calendar, I will be driving for Lyft to get going on that $90 (plus more in preparation for the following week).

I am looking forward to my financial aid reimbursement in January to help with the living expenses.. even more so with the tax refund.

Credit Score

So I’ve hit a snag with my credit score. It SHOULD HAVE been 630 by now.
But I did open a new credit card and spent more than I intended (still under balance though). But I think it messed with my debt ratio.

I also tried to refinance my Golden Valley Lending payments and I think they check your credit score for it so that’s another hit.

I’m brought down to 595.

So what I’ve learned from this mistake is…put all my payments towards my loan payments first and worry about raising my credit score second.

The money I put towards my credit cards could have gone towards my personal loans which means lowering my payments or at least keeping up with it.

My credit score would have been left alone at 612. Lesson learned.

House Update

Because my income is so low as well as having so much debt that I’m hauling around, my mortgage lender gave me two choices:

1. Co-sign with my mom and see what I have to work with

2. Wait until I finish school in 2021 and get a loan for potentially 250k.

I decided to wait. I’m already cracking under the pressures of my debt.
And waiting until 2021 gives me a little bit more stretch of a time to get my debt under control and raise my credit score.

I don’t know what it is about blogging my financial journey but it somehow brings me peace.

I think just seeing it all broken down and sharing my plan of action calms my anxiety and motivates me to keep going.

Welp, I will see you guys next week!

God is on the Move

I’ve gotta say God worked his magic this past weekend!
Goal was to make $305 this weekend to cover the bills that are coming up this week and I reached that bench mark! (I got tipped $10 in cash and hopefully.. a few drunk riders will remember to tip me in the morning..LOL)

Didnt feel like it was going to happen but even though I only gave 8 rides, most of them were longer rides.

Drove all over from Denver to Westminster to Thornton to Lakewood to Littleton tonight.

And God was also nice enough to make the last two rides near my home so I ended back here as I was getting sleepy.

Now I can drive this week for next weekend’s bills… and it’s near a grand ๐Ÿ™ƒ lol

But God’s been good to me. I know I can do this and as I keep chipping away at my debt, it’ll only get easier.